Insecure Leadership in Eight Minutes

Insecure leadership is the silent killer of organizations. An insecure leader creates a leadership style that slowly destroys and corrodes the organization from the inside out while hiding behind an outward display of charisma, manufactured confidence, and extreme executive presence. Although destructive leaders are frequently accused of being narcissistic, it’s essential to understand that narcissism is a result of an underlying insecurity. Narcissism can be a double-edged sword: on the one hand, it brings constructive traits like risk-taking, self-assurance, courage, focus, and a healthy craving for recognition. On the other hand, it can manifest as controlling, aggressive, arrogant, and manipulative behaviors. At their core, destructive narcissists are deeply insecure leaders. The real danger lies in their ability to mask this insecurity with a polished façade, leading their organizations down a path of decay.

Telltale Signs of an Insecure Leader:

Egotism: 

In the era of self-identification, the insecure leader’s pronouns are undeniably “me, myself, and I.” This fixation on “I” leaves them perpetually knelt at the pool of their own reflection, unable to divert their gaze from themselves. Like Narcissus, they’d rather waste away than shift their focus to anyone else. This self-obsession is not just vanity; it’s insecurity, the crux of their leadership failure. ¹ “A byproduct and close cousin of the ego we most commonly experience goes by another name, arrogance, gently named “self-centered ambition.” Where there’s Narcissus, there’s Sisyphus. 

Sisyphus and Narcissus—legendary figures of Greek mythology—are more than mere contemporaries; they are inseparable companions on the journey through human insecurity.  Sisyphus, forever condemned to push a boulder uphill, and Narcissus, eternally transfixed by his own reflection, embody the endless struggle and self-obsession that plague insecure leaders. Where Sisyphus’s toil illustrates the futility and repetition of ineffective efforts, Narcissus’s egotism symbolizes the “destructive” narcissism of leadership. 

²Egotism is the conscious separation from…everything. This protection mechanism protects the insecure leader from owning any failures under their leadership. Egotism whispers to the insecure leader, “distance yourself from any potential collateral damage,” as not to take any responsibility for loss and failure. Insecure leaders rarely take any responsibility for the failure of an organization. Instead, the blame rests on the shoulders of those they lead. ³Making insecurity as debilitating as alcoholism.”

Stealing the Spotlight: 

Insecure leaders put themselves in front of those they lead. They always seem to gravitate towards the spotlight, casting a shadow over those they put themselves in front of. The insecure leader must steal the show and is “prone to envy if they see that others are getting the attention they feel they deserve.” Insecure leaders are masters of turning the conversation back to themselves as a means of providing an antidote. 

But it does not end with conversations. The insecure leader overshadows everyone else with their performance and presence, outshining the presentations of those they lead and dominating the room with their charisma. 

In Robert Greene’s book, The 48 Laws of Power, Law 1 states to “Never Outshine the Master Judgment.” Instead, always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please and impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents, or you might accomplish the opposite—inspire fear and insecurity.” Greene goes on to say that when you display your talents, you naturally stir up all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity. But when it comes to power, outshining the master is perhaps the worst mistake of all.” Greene’s point is that those who may be more intellectually and emotionally intelligent and who can communicate more clearly and effectively will soon find themselves somewhere else if they outshine an “insecure leader.”

Lack of Self-Awareness:

Out of Daniel Goleman’s five dimensions of emotional intelligence, self-awareness reigns supreme. Robert Greenleaf, who coined the term “servant leader,” also ranks self-awareness among the top ten traits of a servant leader. Why do these titans of leadership emphasize self-awareness so heavily? Simple: the greatest cost in leadership is a lack of it.

Emotional self-awareness is more than just recognizing your feelings. It’s about distinguishing between them, understanding their roots, and recognizing their impact on those around you. This is the essence of emotional intelligence (EQ). As highlighted in “The EQ Edge,” emotional self-awareness forms the bedrock of all other elements of EQ. It is the crucial first step toward self-understanding and personal growth, laying the foundation for meaningful change.

⁴Without it, leaders are blind to their own shortcomings and the ripple effects their emotions cause, leading to disconnected, ineffective, and insecure leadership. Two years before Enron imploded, the senior leadership team valued leaders with explosive high ego’s, rigidity, and no emotional control. 

⁵Insecure leaders cast a long shadow of doubt over their own identity and worth. However, many people conceal this shadow behind a façade of extroversion, making it difficult to detect. Extroversion can be a coping method for dealing with self-doubt. The compulsive drive to confirm one’s worth by external methods conceals a fragile core, making the leader’s insecurity even more dangerous. 

⁶Insecure leaders create environments that rob other people of their identities as a way of increasing their own. 

⁷Take, for instance, an insecure “teacher” who demands passive notetaking from students, tapping into their own extensive knowledge while leaving the students with a diminished sense of self. The truth is, it requires courage to ask open-ended questions in a classroom or a boardroom, but doing so exposes the insecure teacher or leader to real-time feedback and criticism—an ego’s worst nightmare. So, they play it safe and control the environment to avoid being outshined, overturned, or overruled. When insecure leaders control the environment, they control the conversation, turning it into a one-way street that leaves listeners paralyzed and disengaged. 

The insecure leader is not limited to egotism, stealing the spotlight, and low self-awareness. Micromanagement, lack of transparency, excessive competitiveness, and inconsistent communication are hallmarks of an insecure leader. These traits stifle growth, ensuring that the organization remains trapped in a cycle of stagnation or, worse…decline.So, what’s the solution? There are many steps to combat the insecurity plaguing today’s leaders. The first is to know there is hope and that nothing is too far gone to turn things around. I have combated leading with insecurity in my life, but through enhancing my emotional intelligence, I have become more self-aware as a leader. Therefore, acknowledging and confronting the problem by taking an emotional intelligence assessment, like the EQ-I 2.0, which helped me immensely, is crucial. This tool pinpoints a leader’s self-awareness level and fourteen other emotional intelligence competencies. With these insights, a good coach can help you self-identify areas of insecurity and chart a path forward. If you want more information on assessing your emotional intelligence, email me at jessesampson@vine.coach.

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